The 7 Pillars

Unconditional acceptance is the foundation of healthy relationships. "You get to be you and I get to be me." "I accept that fact that I can't control you and you can't control me."

The 7 pillars:
1) Love
2) Honour
3) Self-control
4) Responsibility
5) Truth
6) Faith
7) Vision

Today I learned a whole new definition for many of these words. The two that stood out to me most were truth and self-control. Truth is a form of trust and the exchange of truth. Other people's character is not what controls my trust in them. I control my trust. Trusting someone doesn't mean that I can predict their behaviours. Trusting someone doesn't mean that I believe they will act as I would. Trust cannot be rooted in my desire for someone to be as much like me as possible. Truth cannot be exchanged if I'm too guarded, if I don't open up, if I am always protecting myself.

Self-control means that I cannot blame you for how I am behaving towards you. You are never in change of how I treat you; I am. If I change my love towards you, it is 100% my fault, my responsibility.  I can tell myself what to do and I can obey myself.

I am still trying to wrap my mind around these concepts and I see much room for improvement. It's difficult for me to trust, to open up, to show you what's really inside. I've always hated the feeling of being vulnerable. After I share something a little too personal with someone I don't know too well I feel icky inside. But how can I ever develop closer relationships if I don't let the other person see what's deep inside? How do you guard your heart and develop a intimate relationship at the same time? I want to learn how to balance. I want to learn how to be free inside. I will be careful not to blame others for my actions. I am responsible for everything I do. I am going to learn how to manage myself.

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.