Cost of Revelation

There is no randomness, no coincidences in the presence. You don't have to have full understanding to align. You don't need all the answers. You have to be willing to be confused in order to have clarity. In His presence the cloud is thick, the cloud is dark. You won't see clearly, you just need to follow. You need to make a confession before there's clarity. You don't need clarity before making a confession. Revelation isn't the solution, it's an invitation. We are not looking for the solution, we are looking for the One who has the solution.  He only wants to give you a part, not the whole picture because He wants partnership. He doesn't want to give you everything because you'll run off and forget about Him.

The one with the greatest faith is the one who can carry the word even in confusion. We have a responsibility for revelation. If you wanna go, you gotta first leave. You can't go and stay at the same time. If you are longing for the olden days you are not going forward. You need to fully leave to fully go. If efficiency is your top value you can't go.

I know that I'm one who loves efficiency. I constantly need to remind myself that things do not always happen in my time. It's His plan, not mine.

Active waiting. Be excited to go in His presence every day. The one with the greatest faith is the one who can still wake up every day and believe even when they don't see anything. There will be opposition. Waiting is faith; waiting is fighting. It's not that you're going to make it happen, it's that you're holding onto Him.

You can begin wrong but end right. He is bigger than all your mistakes. The only way for you to fail is to make a mistake bigger than Him. He uses our mistakes as opportunities to save so don't be overwhelmed by your wrongdoings. Just hold onto Him. It's not about doing great things. At the end of the day your greatest prize is to have a relationship with Him, to see Him.

Seriously, aren't you happy that He is bigger than EVERYTHING? I'm so thankful that He is bigger than all of my mistakes. I am forgiven. I don't need to wallow in my sorrows. There is nothing I can do that will undo what He did for me. This amazes me.

Agents of Transformation

Having passion is not enough. Having the willingness to suffer is not enough. You need to be trained before you are ready to be an agent of transformation.

Start off by laying down your pride. Don't care about saving face or protecting your reputation. We will be challenged in this area over and over again. I know there have been times where I didn't want to admit I was wrong because I cared too much about my pride. This does nothing but destruct and everything could have been mended quickly if I just stepped down from my prideful pedestal.  Check yourself. You don't need to be doing things for the favour of people, so don't be afraid of being embarrassed. When you realize that things aren't about you and that you can't doing anything on your own, your faith will rise to a new level. He doesn't need us, but we need Him.

Training of our character. Many of us live double lives but we should just be ourselves all the time. Breakthrough your shame. Don't wear a mask. If we don't change our character, our actions or our attitude then people may not believe the words we say.

I think I've gotten better at bringing my personal life and spiritual life together but there could still be improvement. Sometimes I'm still hesitant to share my faith with people I don't know very well. Other times I don't want to share my personal life with people who share my faith. I'm afraid they will judge me. I don't want to explain things. But I need to remind myself that their judgement doesn't matter. I don't need to explain and I don't need to have everyone on my side. It's tiring having to put up a front with different groups of people. I'm human. It's okay to mess up so I shouldn't need to hide anything. Problems can't be fixed if they're never put out on the table. There should only be one side of me out in the open all the time, the real side. I'm the only one who can be the best me that I can be.

Sometimes we all need a little reconciliation to build up our relationships. When we reconcile with one another, there is unity and comfort. At times, all it takes is some explaining to fix hurt feelings or disagreements. Know each other's hearts.

Don't fear the lonely place. Don't fear hiddenness. Love this place because this is where you are being shaped with the utmost care. You are never forgotten. You are not walking alone. Don't give up. Once you are ready, you will not only be put forth to shine but you will be slingshotted. You must rely on Him 100%. Stop using your will to do things. Focus not on your own agenda, but His agenda.

I don't always enjoy being in the background. There are times where I want to stand out. But I need to be willing to let Him do the work. I need to step back and let Him perform the surgery, do the operation. I just need to be patient. It's going to be difficult at times; it's going to be dark; it's going to be lonely, but I won't give up. Apart from Him, I can't do anything.

The 7 Pillars

Unconditional acceptance is the foundation of healthy relationships. "You get to be you and I get to be me." "I accept that fact that I can't control you and you can't control me."

The 7 pillars:
1) Love
2) Honour
3) Self-control
4) Responsibility
5) Truth
6) Faith
7) Vision

Today I learned a whole new definition for many of these words. The two that stood out to me most were truth and self-control. Truth is a form of trust and the exchange of truth. Other people's character is not what controls my trust in them. I control my trust. Trusting someone doesn't mean that I can predict their behaviours. Trusting someone doesn't mean that I believe they will act as I would. Trust cannot be rooted in my desire for someone to be as much like me as possible. Truth cannot be exchanged if I'm too guarded, if I don't open up, if I am always protecting myself.

Self-control means that I cannot blame you for how I am behaving towards you. You are never in change of how I treat you; I am. If I change my love towards you, it is 100% my fault, my responsibility.  I can tell myself what to do and I can obey myself.

I am still trying to wrap my mind around these concepts and I see much room for improvement. It's difficult for me to trust, to open up, to show you what's really inside. I've always hated the feeling of being vulnerable. After I share something a little too personal with someone I don't know too well I feel icky inside. But how can I ever develop closer relationships if I don't let the other person see what's deep inside? How do you guard your heart and develop a intimate relationship at the same time? I want to learn how to balance. I want to learn how to be free inside. I will be careful not to blame others for my actions. I am responsible for everything I do. I am going to learn how to manage myself.

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.

Mountain Dew

There will be dry times; there will be dry seasons. Just do your part and He'll do the rest. He'll rain down on us overnight and preserve us for revival. Dew comes in the night while we are sleeping. 

The dry, the lost, the alone. We've all been there at some point during our life. However, It's encouraging to know that even when I'm walking through the desert, all I need to do is keep doing my part and the rest will be taken care of. We just need to come together. Two is better than one. You just feel that much better when you know that someone is supporting you, that someone is on your side. When we are united, the harvest will come in and it won't get out. We'll be trapped by love and there will be no escaping. 

We are not here for numbers, we are here for a purpose. Find your calling. Your mission comes from submission. You are to love the community to which you are called, not called to the community which you love. 

Unity is diversity, not conformity. When broken bones are cast together they need time to set before they are attached as one again. Unity takes time so dwell together. Even if there's conflict, just stick it out. Stick together; commitment is the glue. Conflict is an open door to intimacy. No one likes a teammate who just does everything you say, no one likes a friend who doesn't voice out their opinion, no one likes a boyfriend/girlfriend who agrees with everything you like. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Confronting problems in relationships will make the bond stronger. 

We are not a pond, but a river. We are not only soldiers but also settlers. Fight for unity. 

Go deeper

Focus. Press in. Stay still. Feel the presence. Sacrifice yourself, your wants, your thoughts. Don't just linger outside the door, step inside the courts.

You can never please everyone

It's so easy for us to just do things for the outward appearance rather than deal with what's inside. But if you're doing things just for the audience, you don't know when they'll turn on you. If you only do things to please others, you won't know who you are. If you stay still you're going to go backwards. You have to move forward or else you're going to backslide. Nothing can be preserved forever.

Be extravagant. This is not about you. Sacrifice what you want, what you feel and lay it all aside.

I need to do a reality check. Are my actions just for show? Or am I actually being real with what's in my heart? So many times have I nervously glanced to my left and right to see if I was fitting in with the norm. But I need to realize that it's not about me. Who cares what others think? It's not about them. Whatever I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do it with all my might. I'm gonna end breathless. You're going to be overwhelmed.

Each new day I'm breaking down new walls, each new day I'm breaking closer into freedom.

Enough with the lies

The enemy only puts us down so much because there's something in us that he's afraid of. He's afraid that we'll find the truth and discover our destiny. Don't let him gain the upper hand. Now's our turn to say "enough with the lies." Let's expose the lies so that we can see the truth. Live your life to the fullest. Don't just say it, believe it.

I would say that recently I've broken down some walls in areas of my life. When I think of certain events in the past I no longer feel tugging in my heart or a strong grip holding me down, not allowing me to be free. Instead, I feel peace knowing that He's got my back and everything is taken care of. I just gotta let go. It's kind of refreshing and I like it. Some walls may still be up but I can see a path opening through the fence. I'm seeing that it doesn't matter what others think, I don't need to meet their standards. I don't need other people to like me, I don't need to impress anyone, I don't need other people to tell me that I'm important. No one's opinion matters except for His. Don't be afraid to lose control, don't be afraid to look like a fool.

Believe, Be Alive

In life, there's some necessary endings. Life gives us more branches than we can handle at times. There are some things you need to cut off, some relationships you need to break, some jobs you need to quit, some dreams you need to put on a shelf and move on. If we hold onto everything, we'll become social emotional hoarders which isn't a good thing. We gotta get rid of the dead branches in order for the beautiful flowers to flourish and grow. The endings aren't a period but only a comma in your life. 

When you're ready, you will get the keys. Don't give up too early, if you want it you've got to press in and persist. Remove the stones in your life, if you have doubt you will not see the glory. 

We usually find it difficult to pull the trigger and end things/relationships because of fear. Fear of loss, sadness, confrontation, fear of the unknown, lacking of skills to execute the ending, afraid of hurting other people. But sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and end it. I hate anticipation and I don't like not knowing what will happen next so I've always been reluctant to end things and start again fresh. However, I'm learning that I gotta be more patient and let things happen in the right time, not my own time. But if I want something I'm gonna keep asking and persevering until I get it. Giving up is not an option. Nothing is unchangeable; no situation is so dead that it can't be resurrected. Your path will be made straight, just press in. 

Remember that the brightest morning comes after the darkest night. The way is being prepared ahead of you.

Revival

Confusion causes us to grow. Stop looking for the old ways because a new thing is happening. The outer appearance may change, but don't be fooled because the foundation is always the same. 

What you seek is what you receive. We don't experience revival because we don't seek it enough. We need to be hungry. We need to be desperate. We need to renew our minds. We need to forgive. We need to let go. 

Over time we collect a lot of garbage; we develop bondages and bitterness. We need to be healed from these things before we can be filled up. Inner healing needs to happen all the time. We need to dump out all the old junk so that when new junk comes in it's easy to clean it.

Change the old ways of thinking. Forget what you heard, and don't look back. Don't look for the familiar but expect the unexpected. 

Pray and obey.

Change is inevitable

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Don't become complacent when things are going well. The reason we go through trials is to remind us that we have to rely on Him. Stay desperate, stay hungry. Come as you are because He came to seek the lost. 


I always need to remind myself that just because I've changed for the better does not mean I can look down at people who haven't. I remember numerous times where I've judged someone because I thought I knew better than them but I need to realize that I am not any better than anyone. Everyone has faults so I shouldn't let my pride take over. I need a shepherd; I can't do anything on my own.


Change is needed because the need has changed. Know the season you're in and flow with the change. 


Change is helpful
Change is seasonal
Change is emotional
Change is controversial
Change is inevitable 
Change is personal
Don't try to hide. 

There is a time for everything.
A time to give birth, and a time to die; 
A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; 
A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; 
A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; 
A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; 
A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; 
A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate; 
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Just Say No

 

You won't be able to cross the river with one foot in one boat and one foot in another. Therefore, do not be double minded; you have one destiny so focus on it. I know there have been times where I've bit off more than I could chew and took on too many responsibilities at once. I gotta learn to not spread myself too thin - we can't do everything and excel. We need to be clear of our vision so we know where to go.

Sometimes it's okay to say no. I repeat, it's okay to say no. Every time we say yes to something we don't want to do we are saying no to something else. If we say yes to a job we don't like, we are saying no to our dreams. If we say yes to someone who's only half of our dream man/woman then we are saying no to our future spouse who meets everything on our list. When we say yes to activities that are not our responsibility then we can develop a bitterness that grows inside us.

It's not easy to say no, you want to please people, you don't want to disappoint, you don't want to feel guilty and most importantly you don't want to miss a great opportunity. When making a decision, I would say that one of the things I fear most is overlooking an opportunity and missing my destiny. However, I now believe that even if we do miss it that one time, I'm sure another door, opportunity, or chance will come up in my life. If I'm called to do something I will get there. Timing is everything. Things may not always happen in my time but things will fall into place when the time is right.

The places where gold is hidden are not obvious. Miners need to dig deep, refine it and melt it down, but when people think that a place contains gold they keep digging until they find it. Therefore, things of value cannot hide for long. They will be discovered sooner or later. I can still reach my destiny even if I miss a turn along the way.

Perfect love drives out fear

Love requires relationship, it is never meant to be contained. Love is an action to give away.

What I've been continually learning in the past few weeks is how to develop intimate relationships. We usually bring so much of our baggage from the past into our relationships that it makes it very difficult to be totally open and close with someone. Throughout our lives we may have learned to believe lies about ourselves and have the wrong perception of how others think of us. We could have so much shame, guilt, condemnation or self rejection that it makes it impossible for us to receive love from others. Everyone has something(s) that they're ashamed of, I certainly do and it's challenging to develop an intimate relationship when I'm unwilling to share my past because I just want to run and hide. However, I learned today that the process of healing the heart will let you run free. If you have done something in the past or present that is eating you up inside then I encourage you to tell someone, confess it out loud. All the enemy wants you to do is keep shame bottled up inside so it can grow and grow and eventually suck the life out of you.

First we must be transparent with one another, this beginning step will lead to vulnerability. (That word still sort of makes me cringe inside) Vulnerability means you're open to be wounded; it may sound more negative than positive but when two people are vulnerable with each other, the relationship will reach a new level. Once you are vulnerable, you are free to be yourself and be innocent! This is easier said than done but after breaking through all these stages then you can truly reach your end goal of having security and trust in a relationship. Trust is the glue to all relationships.

Intimacy (into-me-see) - let yourself be healed so others can see through you. Win the battle by not allowing the enemy have authority over your life. Refuse to be led to an escape or false comfort.

Freely choose to love today.

Boundaries

Have you felt like any of these quotes at times? I know I have. And this could be because of boundary issues. Emotional, spiritual, and relational boundaries. Personal boundaries which people have trespassed, boundaries which I haven't stood firmly on or boundaries that haven't been made clear to others. 

What I'm currently asking myself about my boundaries:

Am I too rigid, too closed? Do I refuse to listen to others' opinions?

Am I too open? Am I hesitant to say no to others?

Am I too distant or reserved? Do I shut myself off from others? 

Am I too close? Do I lose myself to mirror other's behaviour? Am I overlapping my identity with someone else?

Am I too intrusive? Do I step on other people's feelings to get what I want?

Am I hyper-receptive? Am I overly trying to make everyone else happy because I'm afraid of conflict? 

The answer to these questions have definitely been "yes" one time or another. I'm far from having the perfect boundaries set out for myself but I am ready to forgive others who have stepped over my boundaries and learn from my parents' boundary mistakes. This is not the time to judge others on their boundary issues but to learn from them and become a better person in the future. I won't let the fear of conflict or fear of rejection control my ability to develop intimate relationships. 

You make all things work together for my good

Do not dwell on the past. We are different that we were yesterday. Every day is a new day. Change and breakthrough is not going to happen in your life if you don't adjust your attitude. From this day on I have decided that I am ready for something different to happen. I am hungry and desperate for unimaginable change to occur in my life. I am going to lean into it, dig up ditches and prepare for great things to come and I won't stop pressing in until I see breakthrough.